Beliefs and Self Acceptance
The world is full of naysayers, pessimists and nonbelievers. Every single radical idea has been declared absurd and impossible. One of the best examples in sports is the story of runner Roger Bannister, who ran the first 4-minute mile back on the 6th of May, 1954.
The London medical student set out to prove the leading experts of his time wrong. Physiologists, doctors, and athletes not only believed that it was physically impossible to run a full mile in 4 minutes, but also that it would lead to death. By breaking this time limit, Bannister has shown others that the “impossible” is in fact possible.
This story always reminds me of people holding each other back, and what is possible when we don’t pay attention to what these people are saying.
“Those that say it can’t be done should get out of the way of those doing it.”
— Chinese Proverb
Listen to yourself
As children, we are most influenced by the wishes, hopes and dreams of our parents and those we look up to the most. These influences can be so deeply rooted that we interpret these external desires as our own. The challenge is not to lose ourselves in the process.
An Australian nurse named Bronnie Ware wrote in her article “Regrets of the Dying” about lessons she learned from those who had only a few weeks to live.
“People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality.” […] “Don’t underestimate the capacity of growth.”
When Ware asked her dying patients what they would have done differently in their lives, a clear pattern emerged:
- I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life of others expected of me.
- I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
- I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
- I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
- I wish that I had let myself be happier.
The path to self-discovery is thus to trust one’s own voice. It will not betray you. If you pursue what makes you happy, you will be happier, healthier and wealthier than you thought possible. Wealth is not characterized by your financial situation, nor by your possessions or materialism in general.
Prosperity is spending your days the way you want to, rather than worrying about how much money you make and how much you already have. Do not waste your life. Don’t die living someone else’s dream.
Stop comparing yourself to others
Social media platforms like Twitter and Instagram have made it easy for us to get a glimpse into the lives of others. At least a glimpse that others want to present to us. Naturally, we begin to measure how short our own lives fall in comparison to what we get to see online. We get depressed because our own lives aren’t as exciting, adventurous, or glamorous. We compare our worst self with someone else’s best. This process can make us think of ourselves as unworthy. It destroys our self-esteem and can lead to a severe case of imposter syndrome.
Realize that no one starts out perfect, and the talent you perceive in the people you admire on social media is just the tip of an iceberg. Underneath it all is long, hard work, mistakes and false starts.
It is unhealthy to compare your starting self with an ending other. Start defining your value by your progress, not by what you produce.
“If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will see results.”
— Jack Dixon
Look at how far you’ve come and how much you’ve grown. The only comparison you should ever make is from the old you to the current you.
Self acceptance
We spend our lives searching for meaning, love, purpose, validation, acceptance and confidence. We ask others to comment on our work. We join competitions to be judged by others.
We wait to see if others interact with our posts on social media, we count likes and comments as they boost our self worth. In our search, we look externally for an answer when we should be looking internally instead. Self confidence, self esteem and self actualization come from inside.
A person who doesn’t think they are worthy of being loved is difficult to love. A person who constantly seeks attention due to their own insecurity consumes all the energy of everyone around them. The hole inside us needs to be filled — but it can’t be.
The book “The Missing Piece” by Shel Silverstein tells the story of a circular character who sets out to find his missing piece — a pie-shaped wedge. On his quest, he sings songs, speaks to other forest creatures, and enjoys the scenery. But when he found exactly what he was looking for, he began to realize that he could no longer do the things that gave him joy. It concludes that it was much happier looking for the missing piece than actually having it. Only when we learn to love who we are, the good as well as the bad parts of ourselves, can truly we be whole.
I am enough. You are, too.
If I am not, then I am not for you. One of our biggest fears in life is not being enough — that we don’t deserve to be touted, that we don’t deserve a promotion or even be accepted for who we are. The solution? Self-love.
I think that people who don’t love themselves, feel worthless and think they don’t deserve love are in a constant state of asking others to fill that void. It becomes an unhealthy codependent relationship.
When someone doesn’t like you for who you are, say, “I’m sorry. I’m not for you.” Then move on and give your energy to someone who can appreciate you.
Learn to love yourself
“Isn’t it narcissistic to love yourself?”, you may think. But hear me out:
Every time you book a flight, you sit on the plane before takeoff and the flight attendants go through a set of safety instructions with the passengers: If the cabin air pressure changes dramatically, oxygen masks might fall from the ceiling directly in front of you. Follow the airline’s instructions in operating their masks. If a child is sitting next to you, put on your own mask first before helping the child.
Why should you put on your own mask first? Most parents would now make it clear to me that their child’s life is more valuable and important than their own. But we accept the answer as simple and true. If you should perish, who will assist your child? If you take care of yourself first, you will be much more useful to those around you. For this reason, it is necessary to have a positive view of yourself.
Go and love yourself. Love the good. Love the bad. Love your history. Love your story. Love the weird parts that make you unique. You will be surprised how attractive you will be when you do so.
Success starts with belief
Whether you think you can, or think you can’t, youre right.
— Henry Ford
Will this work? Can I do it? Do I have what it takes to make this work? Nothing is possible unless you believe that it actually is.
Dreaming that something is possible is the first important step in making it happen. Jonathan Courtney has long had problems building a design agency. He and his co-founder struggled to make a payroll; often, they could not pay themselves enough to make ends meet. Obviously, this was a constant cause of stress in his life.
To put things in perspective, during those years he paid himself an annual salary of $45k. He figured it was time to call it quits. At that time, he was recruited to join another company. They offered him an annual salary of $180k, which of course he seriously thought about.
While on a business flight, he came to a realization, further emboldened by the newly found security that the job offer presented: He’d give his own business one more try before quitting. He and his co-founder decided to focus on one more thing — design sprints. This meant that they would no longer sell classic design services. As a consequence, he had to give up his already existing clients because they were no longer a fit.
In two very short years he had gone from an annual revenue of $600k in 2016 to more than $2m by the end of 2018. What is interesting to note here is that externally almost nothing changed for Jonathan. But he was full of self-confidence. The job offer gave him the belief that he could not fail. If he was going to fold the company, why not do the one thing that he’s always loved but was afraid to try? That decision, in turn, would be the one thing that made his company great.
Don’t settle for being the person you were yesterday
Every morning you wake up with a replenished supply of hours to do with as you please. Every 24 hours you have the opportunity to start over. As long as you are healthy and have a roof over your head, anything is possible. Today can be the day you become the person you always wanted to be, no matter how old you are. Anna Mary Robertson Moses, better known by her nickname Grandma Moses, began her career as an American folk artist at the age of 78. Anna was born in Greenwich, NY in 1860. She was inspired to paint when she took art classes at her school, but was told that a career as an artist was impractical. With the difficult country life, she was obliged to set her passion aside. She left home at the age of 12 and began to work for a wealthy neighboring family, performing chores on their farm.
She did what was expected of a woman at that time: she set aside her own goals, got married at 27, and gave birth to 5 children. Even after her husband passed away at the age of 67, she continued to work on the farm until she got arthrits at 76. It was her sister Celestia who encouraged her to pick up art again. At this point she was in her late 70’s. An art collector named Louis J. Caldor bought her first works for a few dollars. Just three years later, her paintings were displayed at New York’s Museum of Modern Art. During the 1950’s her exhibitions broke attendance records around the world.
Grandma Moses has passed away at the age of 101. Her work “Sugaring Off” sold for $1.2 million in 2016. President Harry S. Truman prestned her with the Women’s National Press Club Trophy. She received two honorary doctorial degrees. A documentary film about her life was made, which was nominated for an Academy Award. The National Press Club cited her as one of the five most newsworthy women. It is estimated that she would have become one of the richest women in America if she had begun her art career in her youth. It’s never too late to start. You don’t have to settle for being the person you were yesterday.
Rewrite your story
Humans are story-making machines. In ancient times, we would gather around the hearth and tell stories to explain the natural and supernatural world. We made up stories about angry gods who could wield the power of thunder and lightning. In Greek mythology, it was believed the Titan Atlas was responsible for bearing the weight of the heavens on his shoulders, as punishment for leading the Titans into battle. When fire and smoke came from mountain tops, Hawaiians believed the Goddess Pele was angry and stomping her feet on the ground, causing earthquakes and eruptions.All of this is to tell you that humans are not comfortable with not knowing. So we make up stories to explain the unexplainable. We make up stories about events. We ascribe meaning to situations as good and bad. We make up stories about who we are. We tell ourselves that we are not worthy, not deserving of attention or opportunities. We live in fear that others will one day discover our true selves and become bored or disgusted. When someone pays us a compliment, we dismiss them. If they only knew. Our self-loathing and contempt consumes us. It’s easy to write a negative story. Could it be more difficult to write a new story? If you don’t like the story you tell or believe about yourself, write a new one. Write a story that is full of hope, abundance, gratitude, joy, and even love. The beginning and middle of your story has been written. How it ends is up to you.
Closing words
Thanks for taking the time to read this post. You are the best! If you liked it I would be very happy about a few claps.
If you have any questions for me or like what I share with you, check out my Instagram as well — @niklas.design. There I share everything about my life as a digital media designer, post quotes and share little bits and pieces about me, my motivations and my career path.
